Thursday, April 07, 2016

Recent economic down fall practical jokes, faced by near and dear ones. Sample joke: 'Audi is not good-i it's bad-i for my budget'.

Recent economic down fall practical jokes, faced by near and dear ones. Sample joke: 'Audi is not good-i it's bad-i for my budget'.

1. Being Automobile Engineer, I had to guide few people for buying a car. One of the uncle (neighbor) requested, "Ashish, let's go!"....We went...Finally I suggested AUDI or BMW will be better....he had a sour face...I said, "Why uncle, Audi is not Goodi?"
He said, "Then, we need to wait till next year.....It's badi for my budget."
(Children had a great time for Audi...Goodi...Badi...joke.)
Immediately I asked him, "What about, BMW?"
He said, "Till next year it's a Big Mega Wallet (BMW) for me."
We laughed a lot and came home and told everything at both's still a big laughing matter for both of our families....

2. One of the Professor asked, "Sir, you've unique experience of closing the university, how could it be useful to others?"
My answer: "Prof, I just have to avoid or come over the loop holes that sends the institute in closing conundrum, as I'm aware how too many problems or even too much positivism can send the institute in spiral of closing"...
He could not stop laughing.

3. One of my friend went to the interview of Director in one good institute. The owner was interviewing the Director in front of other Professors. Suddenly the owner asked him, "Can you hit these Professors by your shoes, if you can only then you can rule them. They can't even bring a single admission boy..."
The friend said, "No Sir, I can't!" Then he left the interview.
I asked him how can the Teachers be so insulted and still the institute be run forever in India. He said, "Job is their family compulsion as they have to feed them...."
I felt very bad, but, he was laughing and he further said, "At present there are no jobs in the market hence, and being jobless, I could not avoid attaining interview though I knew something like this would happen, with the kind of owner that institute have, and that too, even after 68 years of independence and even in the year 2016. No one dares to take such video-graph and put it on the web to expose the insults of the Professors, for the fear of losing job or family."
For him it was a great joke.

4. One of the Professor, went for the interview in the institute. He was almost 55 years old. He hardly published research papers in Science Direct or SCI listed journals, but was a good author and published articles and books. Though he was famous among students for his teaching abilities he was not selected. Once, his one article changed the face of Institutes in his city, and this is better impact than the delta impact of the Research paper... still...... SCI publication is the criteria that stopped him from getting hired....
I asked the Professor, "Sir, what next?"
He said, "Nothing boy. The domination of few and cartel of few institutes is so much that majority are shown their place in the education market. Why India have criteria like 'what failed American system have and that have created Detroit effects'? USA had same criteria but still their economy sees downfall again and gain...repeatedly ....(I said, "Ok" and we laughed). Also, I read your article, and I liked that. What is the use of IIT, IIIT, IIM and NIT's in the city of Nagpur if they can't change the face of industry and business and bring more jobs, are they show pieces. What's the use of Panjabrao Krishi Vidyapith (Agro University) in Akola when in Vidarbha more than 100000 suicides are there....I don't mind research publication but these institutes should also focus on what that Professor can do, to have impact on these other factors for which people like me work....".
So what's the joke, I asked him jokingly.
He said, "We have IIT, IIM, NIT, IIIT, Agro University but Zero jobs and Zero business and Vacant so called the biggest 5 star industrial estate in Asia at Butibori, Nagpur."
He laughed a lot....

5. Overheard....Live...."Everybody wants us to work freely Sir." A laborer, "Don't we have family to feed? The place where you live is constructed by us, and still you didn't pay us our daily wages and if pay you paid less than what we deserved....".
The owner said, "At least I've kept you on the job....others might not......."
Finally, the laborer said, "Sir, go in that a/c vehicle, we donate you that vehicle. We're working here in 45 degrees Celsius and in rains and in cold and with our children in the unsafe place in zuggi and zopadi down. Sir, go to your car...we also know the calculations. We have 1000 workers and you paid us half the wages and now trying to avoid us. Sir, even, 500 workers and 2 years work with Rs. 200 daily wages make it Rs. 75,00,000/= ....May you be happy in that costly car donated by us to you for employing us here, forever."...

6. A Professor, my friend, went to interview. Just read his language, you'll laugh.
He said......."I went to interview in one 'Nakhchadi' (Means they are like them only, none can be better than them) organization. I was asked many questions. After few answers the interviewer probably were testing how I react after hearing a incivility word". They said, "Has somebody ever told you ever, that, your answers and approach seems to be full of incivility and unorthodox?"
The friend's reply, "Sir, in fact the way you ask questions to learned people is more incivility than the way I answer. For me my family, every friend and near and dear ones are full of civility but others. It's everywhere in the high hand approach institutes like yours...not new to us......"
Suddenly, the interviewers were at friend was selected but avoided joining that institute having heavy attrition due to this incivility. So he said, "My god, if I didn't got this present job....I would have to join that ultra high handed incivility work force and it would have been a game changer for them....." .
We laughed a lot.

7. One of the Professor was invited for the interview from a Institute in Mumbai. The interview was scheduled on Monday and he got a call on Saturday evening. The Professor just asked the person on telephone, “How should I come, by Aeroplane of how, as right now I’m placed in Delhi?” The person who called for the interview said, “Sir, we do not discriminate between Mumbai or Delhi or Nagpur or Chennai or Bangalore or Kolkata person, we don’t pay the TA and DA.” My friend asked him, “Sir, even if we manage to reach there, are the Appointments Ready?”…..The person did not answered but cut-off the phone…..
My Professor friend told this incidence and we laughed a lot, as still in India traveling 1100 kilometers, within a span of 24 hours with booking tickets and everything is not possible……and even if a person manages to reach, there was no guarantee of selection due to competition or vested interest.

8. Almost 15 of my high profile Professor friends went to one private University in Poona for Registrar position interview. Each interview was finished in hardly 10+ minutes. Finally, they came to know an internal candidate was selected and got a promotion. One of the Professor said, “Why this farce of interview then?”…We laughed a lot. 

9. This is what everyone among us faces everyday. A Professor was selected for a job of Director. Later he was requested to cut his salary for half than he should be paid. The Professor said, “The tragedy of education system is, each institute wants a well behaved, highly educated, most skilled person but when it comes to paying them, buying the peanuts with his salary would be a costly affair”.
We laughed a lot. 

10. Few of my IIT friends were present in one of kind of a party. Suddenly there was problem in air-condition system. One of the ITI diploma holder came and fixed it within no time, and IIT’ens were blamed for not having these so called micro skills. They were looking at each other and they could not decide whether to laugh or cry or leave it there……
However, when the person who suffered this told us…we laughed a lot, as still people don’t understand these are different skills and the concept of ‘expert is expert’. 

11. One of my friend got lay-off fro the job due to economic down fall. His father said, “Why you did Ph.D. the 10th grade person is better than you, at least he earns something for his family.
My friend could not decide how to convince the family, as the family had a background of one job for a life time in government sector, and they didn’t know a company can be closed and people can get lay off.
So, the friend went to the Railway station and tried to be a casual labourer. The first person asked him, “Boy, you looked quite educated, why are you here?” My friend said, “I lost a job and hence trying to earn the daily bread for family.”
However, the Supervisor insisted, “How far you are educated boy?” Finally, he had to tell him, he is Ph.D. Later the supervisor asked, “Is it more than graduation boy?” The friends said, “Bachelors is 4 years and then Post Graduation is 2 years and then 4 years is Ph.D.”
Later what the supervisor said is quite and eye opener, “Boy, if you people try and snatch our job away then where our boys would go?”
Both sides laughed a lot, and obviously my friend had to leave the premises on jolly note. Later all became good friends and my friend got a good job. 

12. In 2008 due to down fall in economy many of my students got lay off. They asked me, “What to do sir?” I said, “Improve qualifications and skills and relax after every interview and leave everything to god.” One person said, “So easy?” Then we laughed a lot.
He went on to pursue some courses like SAP-R3 and Six Sigma Black belt. Now, it’s a big story and a history. 

13. One of my relative faced a situation in economic down fall of 1998. He lost a job. He started a school with other 7 friends. In 2008, it started earning huge profits, even in the economic down fall. The relative was not investor but a doer. Other 7 were investor, and they started asking for more share. My relative laughed. It’s coming to your accounts only, I just do it and all the bills and accounts are with you.
However, as you doubted. I’m going. They laughed and said, “Ok.”
My relative got a job, due to his skills even in the economic down fall. However, after one year, just one year, none could manage the school well and it had to be closed.
Later once, one of his friend involved in the schools project met him in one square, said, “We unnecessarily doubted you.” My relative said laughingly, “Trust can be broken only once.” Both of them laughed a lot, because, without any corruption, only, just as friends doubted my relative, he left care taker position and the within a year the school is no more existing. Later, while his friend drove away, he said, “In our life we’ll never doubt a man of integrity like you.” He left laughing. My relative was laughing too, as he got lesson of his life, for money and name and fame and power people doubt even their own near and dear ones.

14. One of our relative went for an interview in the down fall. He got lay-off in 2008 from a factory. There was only one interview he could face, that too in an education institute. The interview almost proved the candidate have no teaching experience, when, the relative said, "We train on job..."...but...could not convince....later...he had to bow down as he, had M. Tech. degree but not Ph.D.
So again he went to some factories. He had to hide his M. Tech. to get a Bachelors job. However, during interview when the HR could know his depth of knowledge.... he had to accept he holds the M. Tech. but would not like to submit as he is in dire need of job.....but... later was rejected on the ground it could be low level job for him..
Finally, he said, "At one place, I have skills and qualifications but could not get job as I lack Ph.D. and at one place I had to hide my few skills just to feed my family to get a job, and I don't have money power, so what should I do, now? Ashish Bhai this is reality of life.....everywhere in the world....They can hire if they wish or reject if they wish, it's employers market....Money only talks nothing else, our degrees and skills have no values, they will ask for that which you don't have....they are pretty smart....".
I said, "But...."
He said, "They are not like you, who interview to hire, but, they just interview us to reject and put their own candidate to make a big cartel.....This world is moving towards cartels and cartels....IIT cartel, IIM cartel, even ITI cartel is there and even caste based cartel, political party bases cartels, ideology based cartel,...."....We could not stop laughing.

15. One of the Professor went on to apply at a place, where "Only IIT, IIM or Foreign University degree holders could only Apply". He said, "This is racism of new kind". Though he had better achievements than all of them but his candidature was rejected due to lack of these backgrounds as per his view. He got so agitated that he went on to ..........and said, "Genius is not a world and a word found in IIT, IIM, NIT, AIIMS, Harvard or Stanford or Oxford or Cambridge kinds of top Universities or Institutes, even we're also literate holding Post-Doctorate, we also have several patents and more than 100 high impact research papers in top journals of the world". I asked him, "What's the joke?" On this he said, "We know A, B, C, D, we passed First Grade from Central School.....and still we got rejected....". We could not stop laughing.

16. One of the Professor went on to apply to few Institutes in Pune, but, when he came to know that there are many Institutes in Pune where even salary is not paid for more than 6 months he said, "Better I would be a bonded labor in some Bihar landlord's house (As shown in one TV serial-UDAN) though having Ph.D. than joining such city and place."....We were laughing for half and hour.

17. One of the Professor is senior, skilled and world recognized enough to be a Principal/ Dean/ Director of any Institute. He got a letter of interview call. On it first point written was, "Though you're called for interview, it doesn't mean you're eligible for this position." We saw it and could not stop laughing.

18. One of the distance education university markets so arrogantly that one of my friend got a call when he sent his CV he got a call, "Sir, would you like to pursue MBA from our University? We saw your CV and hence this call." He said, "Boy, can't you see I passed my MBA 15 years ago?" The boy put the phone down. Again after 15 days, a lady called ....again same....every month he gets a call and finally he said, "Who has given you my number....."... We were laughing once the lady replied, "Sir, we even call MBBS doctors and such people....we though your Doctor i.e. Ph.D. means you're also physician. Sir, in the economic down fall we've to do aggressive marketing please don't mind"...and went silent...

19. Builders have long stories. One of the builder promised the flat in 2014 October, Then in May 2015, then in Diwali 2015, then in Christmas 2015....but it could not happen. When asked, "All your flats got sold then why this delay?" He said, "Indian Economy is down, Sir."


Dr. Ashish Manohar Urkude, lives on the ground, Nagpur, India,  

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